A Taste of Heaven on Earth: Marriage and Family
in Ephesians 5:18–6:4
THIS 200-page book was originally part of the author’s three-and-one-half-year exposition of the Epistle to the Ephesians (which is scheduled for release in 2015). While it is still included in that full exposition, of course, the publisher felt that it should also be made available in this separate volume. Because of the great need for clear and solely biblical teaching concerning marriage and the family in our day, it was felt that making this material available separately would make it much more accessible and usable. It is hoped that it will be of use to couples preparing for marriage, couples and families needing answers to pressing problems, and perhaps even Bible study groups. Its nine chapters include: Foundations of the Christian Home; The Meaning and Motives of Marriage; The Model for Marriage (“Solomon’s Song”); The Responsibilities of the Wife; The Proverbs 31 Woman; The Responsibilities of the Husband; The Tragedy of Divorce; The Responsibilities of Children; and The Responsibilities of Parents.
1
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Contents
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Introduction: A
Taste of Heaven on Earth..............................
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9
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1
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Foundations of the
Christian Home........................................
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11
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2
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The Meaning and
Motives of Marriage..................................
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33
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3
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The Model for
Marriage (“Solomon’s Song”)........................
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49
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4
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The
Responsibilities of the Wife.............................................
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57
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5
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The Proverbs 31
Woman......................................................
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75
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6
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The Responsibilities
of the Husband.......................................
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91
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7
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The Tragedy of
Divorce........................................................
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117
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8
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The Responsibilities
of Children.............................................
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129
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9
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The Responsibilities
of Parents..............................................
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143
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Conclusion: A
Family Legacy................................................
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177
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Appendix: Biblical
Marriage Vows........................................
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179
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Bibliography.........................................................................
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183
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About the Author..................................................................
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193
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Introduction
WHAT YOU ARE about to read was originally part
of the author’s three-and-one-half-year exposition of the Epistle to the Ephesians.[i] While it is
still included in that full exposition, of course, the publisher felt that it
should also be made available in this separate volume. Because of the great
need for clear and solely biblical teaching concerning marriage and the family
in our day, it was felt that making this material available separately would
make it much more accessible and usable. It is hoped that it will be of use to
couples preparing for marriage, couples and families needing answers to
pressing problems, and perhaps even Bible study groups.
* * *
As the story
goes, a certain little seven-year-old girl who had just
seen the movie Cinderella was testing her neighbor lady’s knowledge of
the story. The neighbor, anxious to impress the little girl, said, “I know what
happens at the end.” “What?” asked the girl. “Cinderella and the prince live
happily ever after.” To which the innocently cynical seven-year-old answered,
“Oh no, they didn’t. They got married!”[ii]
While that brings a smile to our
faces, it is tragically true in many marriages. What’s more, such a marriage
will inevitably effect the family. It will make for a problem-filled home and
troubled children. Why? Because they are not based upon the truth of
Scripture.
A quick Internet search reveals that “a
taste of heaven on earth” can supposedly be sampled in several ways. A
certain cheese company boasts that one of their products offers such a taste. A
tour company toots its own horn by claiming that one of their tours is such a
heavenly experience. A certain café asserts that their patrons can “experience
a taste of heaven on earth, one crepe at a time.” Not only do such claims
obviously demonstrate a total ignorance of what heaven will actually be about,
but they also reflect the sad shallowness of our culture. Our goal in this book
is to demonstrate from Scripture how to taste, and savor, the genuine article.
As we
begin our study of the most important passage in God’s Word concerning the
Christian home, let us consider two introductory thoughts.
First, there is a “revolution” going on
in America today. The word “revolt” means “an uprising against authority, a
rebellion, protest, or insurrection.” The revolution going on today is against
the authority of the Word of God, and there is truly no better example of this
uprising than when it comes to the home. It is common
knowledge that one out of two marriages ends in divorce. A little research on this is both enlightening
and saddening. Looking at it on a per capita or percentage basis, the U.S. divorce
rate for the year 2000 was 41% per capita per year, according to the National
Center for Health Statistics (NCHS). This is made even more significant,
however, by the fact that this rate is only for the states that keep track
of the number of divorces—California, Indiana, Louisiana, and Oklahoma do
not. In contrast to this rate, the Census Bureau consistently reports that the
rate is closer to 50%.
Looking at the raw
numbers is even more dramatic. The total number of marriages in the year 2000,
for example, was 2,355,005—including the states that don’t report
divorce numbers. Out of that number, there were 957,200 divorces, which is
40.6%—but again, excluding the states that don’t report divorce numbers.
Another interesting statistic I found was that as of the year 2000, 18.5
percent of the US population is divorced (11,317,572). By gender, it’s:
8,572,000 males (8.3%) and 11,309,000 females (10.2%).
When we look at the
data a decade later (2011), however, things seem to be better. In fact, the
divorce rate is actually lower. But appearances can be deceiving, and they
certainly are here, for while the divorce rate is lower, so are the number of
marriages. Why? Simply because fewer people are actually getting married,
opting instead to cohabit outside of marriage. As of the year 2000, there were
3.8 million couples cohabiting outside of marriage, which obviously translates
to 7.6 million people living in open sin outside of marriage. A clear
indication of America’s moral decline, in fact, is that according to NCHS’s
research, this development appears to be the new norm. Estimates from 2006–2010
show that nearly one-half (48%) of women aged 15–44 have cohabited before
marriage. Further, a survey was taken using the following question: “Would you
agree or disagree with this statement: ‘A young couple should not live together
unless they are married’?” The results are appalling: only 30.8% of women agreed
while 68.3% disagreed (with the rest undecided); for men, only 28% agreed while
70.8% disagreed (with the rest undecided). What is even more horrendous,
however, is that a growing number of professed Christians condone such conduct.
More and more couples who claim to be Christians actually cohabit outside the
covenant relationship God ordained.
Still
further, however, only God knows how many couples are divorced in mind even
though they occupy the same house. Why is that true? Some give answers such as,
“They just need to better communicate with one another,” or, “They just need to
understand and tolerate each other’s unique qualities,” or other such
statements.
Now, while
such statements certainly have an element of truth in them, they all still miss
the point. The reason why marriages fail and homes are in turmoil is because
people are not governed by the Word of God. Whether the marital problem comes
in the form of money, communication, sexual dysfunction, or any number of other
things, these are only symptoms of the real problem. The Word of God is not
the final authority for home life in America, and sad to say, this is true of
many Christians.
Our goal here, then, is to be thoroughly biblical in our
study. This book
is not only an in-depth exposition and application of Ephesians 5:18—6:9, but
is also an exposition of several other key Scriptures that are related to the
home.
It is
vitally important that Christians become aware that the family is the first and
the primary of the three institutions God has created on earth: the family, the
church, and human government. This world, however, with its humanistic,
man-centered philosophy, is trying to destroy all three of those institutions.
God has ordained and designed human government to be characterized by
freedom and liberty, but liberalism, socialism, communism, despotism, and other
philosophies strive to tear down biblical ethics. The Church is being
torn down by the decentralizing of the Word of God and by substituting
apostasy, religious ritual, and worldly programs. But it is the family
that is being attacked with the most violence. This is the most tragic of all
because it is the foundational institution of God. It is being attacked by
fornication, adultery, permissiveness, homosexuality, abortion, women’s
liberation, juvenile delinquency, and humanistic state education. Some
Christian leaders teach that the Church is the most important of God’s
institutions, but that is simply not true! If we do not have strong families,
we will not have strong churches. The same is also true of our nation. God
created the home first to be the foundation of all else.
The
institution of the family is in serious trouble today, and Christians are not
immune. There are many Christian homes today that have serious problems because
the Word of God is not the authority in that home. It is with those thoughts in
mind that we begin our study of what God has designed for the Christian home.
I will
warn the reader “up front,” as the expression goes: I will make a few points in
our study that are controversial and that even upset some people. It is my
solemn promise, however, to look at each issue from the perspective of
Scripture alone, and I humbly ask the reader to prayerfully do the same. Again,
many Christian homes today are in serious trouble (as are many churches), and I
am convinced that to fix these might very well require what seems to some
people to be “radical.” But our goal is not to be radical, but to be biblical.
I am reminded often of a statement by Vance Havner: “We don’t need to be in the
novelty shop, as much as we need to be in the antique shop, where we find the
old truths of God’s Word. We don’t need something new today half as much as we
need something so old that it would be new if anybody tried it.”[iii]
As we will see early in our study, the filling of the Holy
Spirit is the prerequisite for a godly home. With each family member controlled
by the Holy Spirit (a synonym for being filled with the Word of God, in fact;
cf. Eph. 5:18 and Col. 3:16), the result will be a return to the Garden of
Eden, where Adam and Eve ruled
together as “co-regents” in perfect unity and harmony. Such is a true taste of
heaven on earth.
While there has been tremendous confusion about
“Spirit-filling” in the last 100 years or so, the Apostle Paul makes the nature
of this very clear in Ephesians 5:18–33. He says not a word about speaking in
tongues, getting new revelations from God, having visions, or other such popular
notions. Rather, as we will study, he unambiguously outlines four manifestations
of such Spirit-control: music (v. 19a), worship (v. 19b), thanksgiving
(v. 20), and most importantly, in the context of our study, submission (vv.
21–33). When these things are realities in our homes, we will savor the wondrous
taste of heaven on earth.
[i]
The two-volume exposition, The Christian’s Wealth and Walk: An Expository
Commentary on Ephesians, is scheduled for publication in 2015.
[ii]
Recounted by R. Kent Hughes, Colossians
and Philemon: The Supremacy of Christ (Westchester, Illinois: Crossway Books, 1989).
[iii]
Interview with Vance Havner by Dennis Hester; October 1982.
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